Say the thing

I think there are some traits that are universally good things to aim for - here is one I wrote about earlier.

Another one I like¹, is when you’re in a meeting or room or organisation or relationship (any kind) where you feel there is an uncomfortable thing that isn’t being talked about - you should probably try to Say The Thing.

Say The Thing takes many forms depending on the context. You need to find the right time and framing to bring it up in a constructive way - you don’t need to just blurt it out as soon as you realise there is a Thing. But you do need to find a way of making people talk about The Thing that you noticed.

I think the act of Saying The Thing is fundamentally an act of kindness to everyone around you² - as long as you do it well. It can defuse long-simmering tension. By forcing people to look at an issue they’ve been avoiding, the long term health of a relationship or organisation can be put on a better trajectory.

It’s really hard to actually do this consistently. There are many situations where I’ve avoided saying the thing - either because I simply shirked away from the discomfort, or because I couldn’t find a way of doing it that I felt would be constructive.

I think that’s okay. The idea isn’t to have perfection as the (unattainable) standard to hold yourself against - it’s to have a high bar that you continually aspire to get closer to.